KURT
“LET’S KEEP IT REAL. Life is hard, not always fair, and as a matter of fact sucks at times. Obviously, suicide is an option, it was for me. However, after getting through those years, I thank God and my “Ana”, that I did not see it through.”
In my opinion, it may be harsh, as a person who SERIOUSLY contemplated suicide when I was a young man, LET’S KEEP IT REAL. Life is hard, not always fair, and as a matter of fact sucks at times. Obviously, suicide is an option, it was FOR ME. However, after getting through those years, I thank God and my “Ana”, that I did not see it through. I remember when I was young, I thought things were so hard, tough and a whole lot of bullshit… and they were TO ME. They were huge, TO ME. They were the biggest problems, TO ME. They were real, TO ME. So, let’s stop dismissing these things any try and use our experiences to help our fellow human beings through this epidemic of suicide in a different way. I remember my Grandmother saying TO ME when I was a kid “Dollie, you young people have it much more difficult than we did when I was a kid, times were simpler back then.” I sure thought times were tough, however now I am saying the SAME THING regarding our “young people” today. Due so many circumstances, culture, society’s expectations, violence, and social media, I believe times are tougher for our younger generation than ever before. This why we need to have the open discussions regarding suicide and suicidal thoughts with our younger generation on their terms and their social media platform.
CHASE
I wish I could tell more people, hey I don’t want any pity but I’m suicidal as hell. Everyone tends to get quiet. A foreign concept to anyone that hasn’t endured the fight at any capacity. Thanks for being a platform.
I ran into the DFL booth at the off road expo in Pomona, yesterday actually. (9-29-23) the car with the digi pattern camouflage caught my eye then I saw United States Marine Corp, and got a interested, as I am a Marine veteran, OiF 2 and OiF-OeF 5-6. My story seems like one in a million, I struggle daily with the ideology and thought of suicide and I fight every damn day. I’m so sick of fighting and I wish I could be ignorantly happy. I feel like no matter what I’m cursed with one foot in reality regardless of the situations. Some would say I’m blessed right now and to me it feels like suffering just to have to face another day. Looking for moments of ignorance to be distracted enough to consider the emotion of happy. So far people would say it’s a battle I’m winning by still being here, but to me it’s terrifying in a way because I feel a day closer to people understanding somehow, how I feel and maybe that will be my push over the edge…? When I saw the banner about normalizing the conversation of suicide I got emotional, I don’t want anyone to feel this way. Uncontrollable anxiety, crippling in some ways, sickness, shame, disgust, and the thought of how to truly end it all. I’m defective. A broken tool easy replaced rather than repaired. We all expire, why can’t we use freedom to make it our choice, yet I’m rooted by my children I never foreseen having. The only two things in the world I can honestly say are my true safety. I do wish the topic could be normalized, I am the black sheep with “dark humor”, but someone has to be open about it, someone has to say it. I wish I could tell more people, hey I don’t want any pity but I’m suicidal as hell. Everyone tends to get quiet. A foreign concept to anyone that hasn’t endured the fight at any capacity. Thanks for being a platform.
HOLLI
I spent 43 years being too silent about my own needs and mental well-being. I choose to spout now, in hopes that my own suffering prevents another human from suffering.
I had built a successful business, smashing financial goals left and right, and appeared to be living the dream. People actually looked up to me and what I’d created on my own, In admiration.
However, I was miserable. I've always carried a nagging sensation of never being enough, never doing enough, and never as good enough as others, and it ate at me, daily. I turned heavily to
alcohol, drugs, and secluded myself from my own family and friends, in a desperate attempt to be numb from my own brain. That didn't work, clearly.
I was exhausted…physically, mentally, and spiritually…and had become a shell of a human. No longer found enjoyment in anything and had no desire to live. I never had the thought in my head of “I want to kill myself,” but the idea was always in my head that this earth would be off without me.
But around October 17th, 2023, I wanted to die. I'm not sure what happened that got me to the breaking point, and I'm still trying to process all the why's. I took over 80 muscle relaxers, washed down with tequila & beer, and slowly started shutting down. My husband, my poor husband found me flailing and incoherent. He called 911 immediately, and I spent almost 3 days unresponsive and in limbo of life & death. I have no memory of any of it, I'm kind of glad I don't, but wish even more that my loved ones didn't. I immediately quit drinking/drugs when I got home and have been sober 163 days for the first time in a long time, I'm clear-headed and really able to process my emotions,
question my choices, and have reevaluated my life, as a whole.
That nagging feeling still haunts me, but through some intense therapy and a whole lot of genuine love & support from my incredible family/friends, I'm learning to love myself and see myself through their eyes. I hate that I got to this point, I hate that it took me almost dying to want to live again…but SO thankful and grateful for my eye-opening second chance. I spent 43 years being too silent about my own needs and mental well-being. I choose to spout now, in hopes that my own suffering prevents another human from suffering.
There is still life in everyone, still purpose and meaning to find for everyone, and I'm going to do my absolute best to help those in need to find it…because that's my purpose & meaning.
I know I'll forever be a work in progress, but most masterpieces are.